because here’s the thing here’s the thing the question was not “would you be more surprised to run into a fairy or a walrus” the question was “would you be more surprised to find a fairy or a walrus AT YOUR DOOR” and while no, i do not believe in fairies and would be surprised to know they EXIST i would NOT be surprised to find one at my door. HOWEVER, if a WALRUS shows up at my door i have to contend with the fact that a walrus somehow made it to my apartment specifically and knocked on my door for god knows what reason. i would be more surprised to know that a fairy EXISTS, of course, but NOT that they’re at my door, do you get me?
kind of blown away that this is even possible but here is a timeline of my writing career told through erotica books PLEASE ENJOY
1. LONELY AUTHOR POUNDED BY DINOSAUR SOCIAL MEDIA FOLLOWERS.
2. SLAMMED BY THE SUBSTANTIAL AMOUNT OF PRESS GENERATED BY MY BOOK POUNDED BY THE POUNT
3. SLAMMED IN THE BUTT BY MY HUGO AWARD NOMINATION.
4. POUNDED IN THE BUTT BY MY BIZARRE ASSUMPTION THAT CHUCK TINGLE BOOKS ARE JUST COVERS AND NOT ACTUAL BOOKS
5. POUNDED IN THE BUTT BY MY CONSTANTLY CHANGING THOUGHTS ON THE ONGOING MYSTERY OF CHUCK TINGLES REAL IDENTITY
6. POUNDED IN THE BUTT BY MY HUGO AWARD LOSS
7. POUNDED IN THE BUTT BY MY SECOND HUGO AWARD NOMINATION.
8. POUNDED IN THE BUTT BY THE PHYSICAL MANIFESTATION OF CHUCK TINGLES SCIENCE FICTION AND COMIC BOOK CONVENTION APPEARANCE
9. NOT POUNDED BY THE PHYSICAL MANIFESTATION OF CHUCK TINGLES TRADITIONAL PUBLISHING DEAL
10. EATEN RIGHT BY THE PHYSICAL MANIFESTATION OF MY PRIDE AND EXCITEMENT THAT THE LEAD CHARACTER OF MY FIRST TRADITIONALLY PUBLISHED HORROR NOVEL IS ON THE AUTISM SPECTRUM JUST LIKE ME
11. POUNDED BY THE PHYSICAL MANIFESTATION OF THE SHOCKINGLY MASSIVE IMPORTANCE OF PRE-ORDERS
12. NOT POUNDED BY MY BOOK ‘POUNDED BY THE PHYSICAL MANIFESTATION OF THE SHOCKINGLY MASSIVE IMPORTANCE OF PRE-ORDERS’ BECAUSE ITS SO IMPORTANT I HAD TO WRITE ANOTHER BOOK ABOUT IT
13. POUNDED BY THE PHYSICAL MANIFESTATION OF CHUCK TINGLES ABILITY TO WRITE 'FROM USA TODAY BESTSELLING AUTHOR’ ON THE FRONT OF HIS BOOKS NOW
14. NOT POUNDED BY MY HANDSOME SENTIENT STOKER AWARD NOMINATION FOR CAMP DAMASCUS
15. POUNDED BY THE REALIZATION THAT CHUCK TINGLES EROTIC WORKS ARE A SINGULAR PIECE OF ART THAT SKEWERS CONSERVATIVE FEARS OF MORAL DECAY BY REPURPOSING THEM AS THE PROMISE OF A SEX-POSITIVE UTOPIA
16. POUNDED BY MY PREORDER OF BURY YOUR GAYS
thanks for reading buckaroos and for kindness and support and acceptance of my unique way over these years. cant want to see what future holds. if you have not already, preorder BURY YOUR GAYS so we can continue this erotica thread together. LOVE IS REAL
